A New Perspective

This is all from my personal perspective; it may or may not apply to anyone else. If it doesn't resonate, then it doesn't apply to you and your relationship.

I had a very interesting discussion that began with a question one of our group members posed: what purpose does this time "apart" serve in terms of our eternal life together with our partners after we join them? How does trudging through this normal, every-day world of issues and people and challenges and mundane work and relentless effort and maintenance of things and our own emotional and psychological well-being add anything to what is to come after?

IOW, we found our eternal soul-mate; we fell in love with them, we went through however much time we had with them and whatever challenges and issues we faced together with them, they died and our love and commitment to them survived that. But what are we doing now, and how does it serve what we will have after? Why are we spending years, even decades here after, doing the hard, difficult work of maintaining and growing our connection to them, our ability to interact with them "through the veil" when eventually we will be able to directly, completely interact and communicate and touch and see and hear them?

It would be so easy, wouldn't it? If when Irene died, I just died the next day or a few days later from heartbreak. I expected that to happen - I wanted that to happen. I even planned for it to happen. But now, I realize, had that happened, I would have missed out on a priceless and extremely important part of our love story, of great significance for what is to come when I leave this world and am fully reunited with her.

It's the part of the story that gives us every opportunity, reason and excuse to abandon our love story. It's too hard. It's too painful. There's too much resistance. Everyone is abandoning me because of this. Nobody wants to hear it. I don't know for sure if he/she even still exists. I don't know if they're even waiting for me. There are no signs I am certain of. I can't afford this alone. I can't physically do what is necessary to survive here alone. There are doubts. There is troubling, confusing information. There are insecurities that cannot be calmed by their words, their touch, the love in their eyes because they are not physically here to provide those things.

And yes, for most people, for most couples, it's just too much. It's too much pain, loneliness, physical world difficulty and misery to endure. Heck, most people can't even make it through regular physical life together and the challenges that occur when both people are living in this world.

IMO, this part, for myself and Irene, this transdimensional relationship time, is the very heart of the story. It separates the wheat from the chaff. It's the deepest, most meaningful part of the story, and without it, what is to come afterward just cannot be anywhere near as deep or meaningful. Not even close.

I had assumed that Irene had it "easier" in the afterlife; information from others here in this group, and communications they have had with their partners have caused me to re-think that assumption. I think Irene also has every opportunity, reason and excuse to abandon our story. She may also be facing opposition and disapproval. She may have her own fears and insecurities, regrets and issues. Honestly, which situation is more painful and devastating: being the one going through what we go through here, or being the one who is powerlessly watching as our most beloved person is in utter anguish and despair, and in addition has all of the physical world challenges? The sense of frustration and helplessness might be overwhelming for our loved ones there. I'm not saying any of this is true for everyone - this is just how I've come to see it for myself and Irene.

I know that there is a common spiritual perspective that the dead don't feel this "negative" or "egoic" emotions, like jealousy, anger, fear, insecurity or sadness. While that may be true of some people in the afterlife, and it may be common in some areas in the afterlife, the evidence just doesn't support that this is universally true of everyone in the afterlife.

The way I see it, she has all the pleasures and enjoyments and perhaps the advice or even pressure from the "spiritual" people of the afterlife beckoning her to let go and move on. Like me, she may have every opportunity, reason and excuse to abandon the story.

This is supported by various lines of evidence, such information that came from the dead through the mediumship of Chico Xavier. In one very thorough and detailed account, which was made into the movie Nosso Lar (Astral City,) interacting with loved ones still alive on Earth was actively discouraged, and the people in that astral location had all of their Earthly emotions. One woman in Nosso Lar was so despondent about not being allowed to visit or communicate with her still living lover that she snuck out of the City to try and do so.

This changed my perspective about what was going on in terms of maintaining our relationship, from one of Irene basically being happy and being the one who was doing all the "helping," to one where we are actually supporting each other in this endeavor, giving each other the strength and encouragement and support and assurances.

And so, for Irene and me, now, this situation, is where we get to be the love story that endured against impossible odds. We stay true to each other and we do not abandon each other, no matter what other people say and advise, no matter how long it takes, no matter what pain and difficulty we must endure, no matter if friends and family abandon us. We get to write ourselves as who we are to each other, what we mean to each other, what we are willing to endure for each other and for our love.

And we get to take those lived chapters of our love story with us into our eternal afterlife together, deeply enriching our "happily ever after," in a way no love story without this particular kind of time "apart" can provide.

I don't know if you're a Jane Austen fan, but IMO our love stories are far deeper and richer than anything she produced - and her love stories are amazing and beautiful. Our love stories are more like the movie, "What Dreams May Come" -level love stories, where the protagonist would rather live in hell with the woman he loves than live in heaven without her. These are mythic, legendary love stories, and IMO we are living them.

I can't believe how fortunate I am, that I have been given the opportunity to live out this love story, to endure this pain and drudgery and opposition, to overcome doubt and insecurity in a hostile environment, and carry her in my heart and be true to her, carry all that with me when I finally get to be fully with Irene again, to look in each other's eyes and know that we did it! We really did it!!!!