Mediumship can be an invaluable tool for communicating with your partner, particularly in the beginning when you’re unsure of yourself and you don’t know where to begin. However,
as you will see from my experience, the ability to trust oneself and one’s partner should take priority for the concept of continuing a relationship with a partner who is physically deceased is new and completely foreign to most mediums:
I stepped harder on the gas pedal thinking about what I had just been told, my head swimming in the ire that seemed to color their words. During my lunch break, I’d had a phone reading with a medium I’d found on Facebook. She told me that my partner didn’t love me because he had been an addict and addicts were incapable of love. I protested that I knew he loved me and that I still loved him. She replied with exasperation “He wants you to find someone else!” Scheduling a reading with this medium who was unknown to me had been an act of desperation. Prior to this, I had scheduled a reading with an evidential medium I trusted, but that reading was to take place in two weeks and I couldn’t wait that long to connect with my partner. I thought the impromptu reading with provide me with some relief, but now I found myself feeling even lower than I had before. I needed answers now more than ever because I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. I decided to contact the trusted medium again. Maybe he could move my appointment up. I fumbled with my phone and dialed this medium’s assistant. I explained to her what happened. She took this opportunity to tell me that she, too, was a medium and, without tuning in, she could tell me that certainly my partner loved me because he was in a place that was only healing and love. That was all well and good, but I wanted to know if he still loved me and was IN love with me in the same way he was before. I wanted to know if the love we shared was still there. In my heart I knew it was, but I needed so desperately to hear it from him. What she said next had me doubled over in pain. She told me that he was with his Higher Self and had no use for romantic attachments. She said, “Obviously you’re still in love with him, but unconditional love is better than romantic love anyway.” She told me that we could be together romantically once I was over there, but with me here and him over there, it was like apples and oranges. We just didn’t go together anymore. That didn’t make sense to me. Since his passing I’d inhaled spiritual and afterlife material as though it were oxygen and, according to all I’d ever read, watched, or listened to, we are spirits temporarily inhabiting a physical body. Why would someone who loved me discriminate against me for inhabiting a meat suit for a time, even as he once did? Surely, if we truly loved each other, that love was soul deep. I muttered something about not being able to help my current human situation.
Despite my devastation, I tried to seem polite and even cheerful so as not to seem ungrateful. After all, I just called about scheduling. She didn’t have to remain on the phone with me. Surely she was trying to be comforting. Inside, however, I wanted to die. What was the point of going on when everything I believed, loved, and cherished was crashing down around me? It seemed no one could help and everyone I spoke to made the reality of my horrible fate even worse. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want to re-partner. Re-partnering meant forcing myself to be with someone I didn’t love, all the time harboring a love for someone too “enlightened” to love me anymore. I just wanted my partner. I drifted aimlessly through the rest of my day. Finally it was time to drive home. As I drew close, I began flipping through radio stations. Something inside of me said “Take your hand off the dial.” I jerked my hand back as though I had touched a hot burner. The station was unfamiliar and not one I normally listened to. The lyrics being sung were “I want to be the one you love. I want to be the one you believe in. Your heart is sent from heaven. Because I believe that you’re sent from heaven.” I wondered if he drew my attention to the song and, just as I wondered, the dial on my volume, began turning up and down and back up and up further still. I watched the volume increase, seemingly on its own, right in front of my eyes. I began crying, but happily this time. I looked up the song and read the lyrics as soon as I parked. It was “Heaven Sent” by Keyshia Cole. He had always called me his “angel” and we always talked about how we must have been sent to each other. I laughed and thanked my love for speaking up and for letting me know how he feels in his own way.
Music had always been very important in our relationship and it’s a method he still uses to communicate to this day. During other critical times the volume has gone up, seemingly of its own volition, while significant songs were playing on the radio, and the channels have even changed “on their own.” After that evening, I made a critical decision that changed the course of our relationship. A couple of weeks prior to having that terrible reading, I’d asked my partner if there was any way at all we could still be together. About that same time, I was in a widow’s group sobbing over how I didn’t want to be with anyone else and I was referred by a stranger to the group “Love After Life.” Supposedly it was a group for people who wanted to continue their relationship with their partner who is on the other side. I joined, but I hadn’t attended any of their weekly Zoom meetings. I finally decided that I needed to attend, and I did. After that first radio phenomena took place, I became a regular attendee at meetings and the other people I met and spoke with became my lifeline. The group founders, William and Mary Beth, spoke of their experiences with being told to “let go” of their partners or “move on” from their partners. They even spoke of being made to feel as though it wasn’t spiritual to want to continue their relationship with a partner on the other side. I recognized that immediately. I acknowledged to myself that feeling of shame I had when speaking to my favorite medium’s assistant. What I felt after my partner sent the song, and the information I learned in the group, was vindicating. What could be more spiritual and of a higher purpose than love?
Since building up my resolve in the group, I was able to examine my experiences with a critical eye. The medium who told me that my partner was incapable of love had begun her reading by calling him a “peacekeeper” and identifying him as a very placid, neutral personality. I was so stirred up by her inaccuracy that I divulged to her that this was completely incorrect and I also told her he had been an addict. I really wanted to know if he was okay. Instead, she told me that she had grown up in an addicted home and it was traumatic. She then told me that my partner was incapable of loving anyone. What I now realize is that she never had a connection with my partner; her reading was based off of information I had given her and her own personal trauma. It never had anything to do with me or my partner. I made my peace with everything the assistant said to me and I just considered it incorrect information and bias based on belief. However, about a year later I found myself telling the organization she was affiliated with about what was said and I found it was against their core tenants and, in fact, they strongly believe that those in spirit retain their personality when they cross over. This includes their relationships and their emotions, though often they have clarity about the workings of said relationships, which only serves to make relationships better. That was perfectly in line with everything I myself had received from my partner, namely that our relationship was better than ever. Since these events occurred you can bet that many others have told me to “move on” and re-partner. I’ve been encouraged to get married and have children. I’ve been told that what I’m doing is tantamount to giving up on life, but I consider it diving into the essence of what life truly is. I’m really just continuing life, but with greater awareness, and with my partner by my side. I believe that the vast majority of those who urge me to re-partner are well-meaning. I believe it comes from a place of fear of one’s mortality and from the concept of “scarcity.” “Scarcity” implies that there are limited resources, such as time. Think about it: if this mortal coil is all there is, then the idea of someone not getting married and reproducing is terrifying. However, if we take the time to comb through the data available on near death experiences (NDEs), after death communications (ADCs), deathbed visions, past life reports and crisis apparitions, then fear seems entirely unnecessary and even irrational.
That is not to say that the societal pressures that face anyone in these relationships, particularly a young woman, are not emotionally and mentally exhausting. Each time I leave my home I’m faced with unwanted, and many times forceful, male attention. Again and again I’m asked questions such as “Are you married?” or “Are you seeing anyone.” I also have to endure attempts by others to set me up on dates, references to pairing me up. Recently, a friend suggested that I should go to a French restaurant because I NEEDED to meet the “hot” chef. I’ve had a friend tell me that “We have to find you a husband tonight” on what was supposed to be a simple girl’s night. People have tried to make me feel guilty over not having children, while insisting that I WILL meet someone. People joke about my choice by calling me pejorative names such as “spinster,” “cat lady,” and “librarian. The current grief model allows for seven steps and the norm in typical widow groups is that re-partnering is tantamount to healing. In that widow culture, oftentimes the choice not to re-partner means that you simply must be stuck.
Even those who would presumably sympathize with wanting to remain in a relationship with a partner on the other side, such as mediums, seem to grapple with accepting these relationships as they’re a fairly new concept. Some of the most gifted and talented evidential mediums I’ve had the pleasure of working with struggle to put aside their own personal frame of reference in order to hear what my partner is truly saying. I wanted to take a moment to talk about personal frame of reference when it comes to mediums because I myself am a medium and I think it’s important that people understand how mediumship works. Mental mediums like myself can receive information in a number of ways: clairvoyantly (visually), clairaudiently (through hearing), clairsentiently (through feeling), clairtangently (through physical sensation), through clairolfaction (smell) and through clairgustance (taste). Yet through all of these abilities, very little of this is purely objective and it all passes through the medium’s personal frame of reference. That is, all of the medium’s memories and all of the beliefs the medium has formulated over time are used to interpret the information received from someone in spirit. We’re human and, though we do our best to interpret what spirit is saying, we’re not a telephone. This is why evidence is so important in mediumship. It shows that the person in spirit is truly communicating. This is not to say all mediums are clouded by their beliefs. You may occasionally have a reading from someone who is able to give messages that are void of cultural overtones. Some mediums have told me that my partner and I are soulmates and are still together in an ongoing relationship. They have provided evidence of our after death communications (ADCs). I believe information about mediumship is important for people to know because it can be tempting to take everything a medium says at face value and to really believe it comes from your loved one because, after all, they’re the one speaking to your loved one and not you. However, please never forget that you’re the one who has the relationship with your partner and you know them better than anyone. I harken back to my partner’s message via song. He wanted me to listen to him above all others.
Please honor your partner and listen for their messages. Allow them to communicate with you in any way possible and be open. I have had the most compassionate and talented of mediums say to me that my partner wants me to re-partner and then they trip up and back-pedal because they realize they were giving information based on their own belief system rather than what he was communicating. I know that my partner would never deny me a new relationship if that were what I wanted, but he knows what’s in my heart, and he knows for certain that this is the last thing I want. Therefore, this is never what would come through because your partner would never upset you on purpose nor would they contradict what you speak about on a daily basis. They know what you talk about and they even know what you’re thinking and feeling. Trust your partner first and foremost. This will strengthen your relationship. Since beginning to trust myself and my partner more, our relationship has grown stronger and I’ve learned some valuable lessons, and so has he. Since that fateful day in my car, I’ve become and administrator in “Love After Life” Facebook Group. In addition, I devote a lot of time to my mediumship work. Every day I try to be the best partner I can be and each day my partner does the same. He sends a constant stream of meaningful numbers and songs. We communicate through meditation and other means.
This is all so new, not just for us, but for the world as a whole, so we’re learning as we go. When someone tells me to re-partner, I try to be as honest as I can about my choice to remain in this relationship. There are situations whereinrelationships will expand as well. we may find we aren’t able to be as open as we’d like, and that’s okay. I just try to inform as many people as I can about my cross dimensional relationship choice. I especially try to be an example to other mediums who may not have seen these relationships before. As it stands now, for a medium to tell a person with a partner on the other side that they have “permission” to “move on” if they wish, is almost an obligatory part of any reading. Some mediums may be so aggressive as to insist that this moving on scenario is a must. When they push, I push back and I gently inform. So far, it has made a bit of a difference. More and more mediums are becoming aware and supportive of these relationships. I believe that consistent efforts on the part of those who remain in a relationship with their partner who has physically died will reshape and restructure current relationship and grief paradigms into something more fluid and dynamic. Just as the zeitgeist in science appears to be shifting regarding the continuation of consciousness after physical death, I believe our ideas about the continuation of relationships will expand as well.