This Magical Transdimensional Life

As much as I'm eagerly anticipating what's to come after I die, I enjoy life here. All our children were adults and out of the house long before Irene died. Yes, the first four or five months after Irene died were extremely bad, and the world had gone black and everything was painful, and I couldn't enjoy anything.

Immediately after she died I began basically doing psychological reprogramming on myself - affirmations, visualizations, deliberate internal narratives, various other practices - in order to move towards the only thing I thought could possible return me to a happy state of being and able to enjoy life: fully regaining my sense of having an ongoing, intimate, satisfying and enjoyable relationship with Irene now, during this transdimensional stage of our relationship.

I give no thought whatsoever to any supposed lessons or growth here, and don't for a second think that I or we will be coming back here for any reason whatsoever. I'm not concerned about my children after I die - they're fine. I don't "stay here" for any of those reasons; I "stay here" because this is fun and magical. This is a rare, unique and (relatively) short-lived situation for two lovers to be going through. I see it as a golden opportunity to show my wife my commitment to and love for her in a way that few people can or would even want to try.

I mean, we have all of eternity to be together fully; we have this one shot to do this one little section of our eternal lives together in a manner that is uniquely, deeply meaningful. She shows me every day that she's here, she's committed to me, and that she loves me more than ever. I want to conduct myself here in a way that makes her proud of me. I don't want to squander this opportunity for us to write and live this very special chapter in our eternal romance in a magical, wonderful, amazing way.

I enjoy my family and doing things in this world because I know Irene is here with me and wherever I go. I think she is proud of me for overcoming my own deep social inhibitions and helping to form this group with Mary Beth, and working on my psychology so I'm not overwhelmed by what this group has become and my happy interactions with so many people here. I have more friends now - family, really - through this group than I've ever had in my life. Far more.

I love seeing what crazy stuff is going on in this world; it's like living in a modern day version of Game of Thrones! Irene enjoys observing it through my eyes and we talk about these things in our usual darkly humorous manner. The technology we have here today is like living in an age of miracles. It's all so mind-blowing.

The best part about it is that WE MET EACH OTHER and that relationship is now completely safe and secured. We did not fail each other; we passed the ultimate relationship test. We've gone through hell for each other and made it!!! I know what comes after, so I'm invulnerable wrt whatever this world throws at me because I know exactly where I'm going and how all this - my life - ends up, and it's freaking glorious!!!

For me, this is fun. It's unique, magical, rare, and IMO it's a privilege to have this opportunity for us to live this way and explore these aspects of our relationship for the time being. We're getting as much out of it - this time "between" - as we can, make it as rich and as meaningful as we can, to cherish it, along with the 27 years of being alive together here before she died, as essential aspects of our eternal life going forward.